I’ve been wanting to talk about this for some time on here, but it’s been something that I’ve just personally needed time before going into detail on: Brynnley’s birth into this world. It wasn’t easy and it definitely was not what I expected at all. I had this vision of how her birth would go, and because everyone in my family has always had such great birthing stories, I thought there was no way it wouldn’t go like I imagined. This story is going to be real and raw, and it’s something I’ll never forget.
Being in the year 2020, you could have guessed that having a child is completely different from what it ever was before. With Covid being at the top of everyone’s mind, the doctors and medical staff required certain procedures be taken in order to give birth at the hospital I now had to deliver at (the hospital I originally planned on shut down their maternity unit and moved all nurses to this other hospital). So I now had to deliver at a hospital that takes a majority of the emergency patients in my city, and it’s farther away from our home.
Due to me now delivering at this hospital, I had to have a scheduled induction date so I could receive a Covid test. I had the choice of two dates: October 27th or November 3rd, as that was the days my doctor could be there for inductions. AJ and I really didn’t want Brynnley’s birthday to be on the date of this year’s election (for many good reasons) and I didn’t want to be near our downtown area on that day. So October 27th it was. If she came before then, I would have been given a Covid test while getting to the hospital, but she stayed put until her induction day.
One day before I got my Covid test. AJ and I finished packing all our things for the hospital and we waited until the next morning. We arrived at 5:30 AM and headed up to the Labor and Delivery unit to get checked in for my induction.
My doctor ended up not getting there until 9 AM so that is when I was induced. I started feeling contractions relatively soon, and let me tell you I thought these ones were a tad painful but they were nothing compared to what was still to come. Four hours after being induced my doctor came in to check me and I was 3 1/2 centimeters so she broke my water. Now the pain really began.
From the yoga ball to the hot bath, to me clenching AJ’s hand so incredibly hard, nothing was relieving my pain from the contractions so I opted to get the epidural. I asked my nurse and she paged the Anesthesiologist team to come to my room. Here was my first mistake: waiting until the pain was unbearable to call for them. My nurse called them again because they were taking way too long and I was in tears at this point. They ended up taking 45 minutes to even get to my room and then still had to set up.
Once they were set up, I got into the position for them to give me an epidural which is sitting on the bed with my feet up on one of the bins in the room. AJ was there holding my hands for support, as I knew this would hurt a bit. They always tell you what could go wrong, but I never thought that would happen to me. Well…it did. The poked my back with the long needle they use and they went right through where they were supposed to go for the epidural and did what is called a wet tap. Keep in mind, I’m still having contractions and I’m 7.5 centimeters dilated at this point. They then proceeded to poke me 2 more times, when finally the head Anesthesiologist took the reigns and put the catheter in for my epidural. Honestly, there was a good amount of blood and it hurt.
Due to them giving me the wet tap, they slowed the pace of the epidural and that meant I wouldn’t get relief as fast. Unfortunately with the pace they set it at I had zero relief and so the next shift was finally on thank God, and the night shift Anesthesiologist came in and gave me more medicine and increased the rate of my epidural. I finally had relief an hour after getting the epidural…on my left side. So now they had to roll me to my right side so the medicine could flow that direction and get me relief on both sides.
Once I got relief on my right side, the contractions picked WAY up and the pain was back, severely. Now I figured I was probably even more dilated because the goal of the epidural is to provide relief but not to numb all pain so you can still feel when you need to push. I had my doctor come check me again, and I was dilated to 9 1/2 centimeters. She said for the third time that she felt Brynnley’s head. This wasn’t enough to push yet so I had to wait a little longer.
Probably 15-20 minutes later I told my nurse I have to push. She had me try to push twice and then we had the doctor come back in. This is where all of my birthing plans were shattered.
I got to 10 centimeters. I made it all the way in less than 11 hours. My body was definitely made to give birth to this little miracle, even the nurses said it. We all couldn’t believe I dilated this fast with my first child. I was ecstatic…
“That’s butt. I feel her butt.”
I don’t need to repeat the words that came out of my mouth at that moment, but I broke. I broke because I knew what the doctor’s words meant and I knew everything I dreamed was gone. Tears came rolling down my face and I just cried to AJ. Brynnley was breached.
I had the urge to push and I wasn’t able to because now the doctor, nurses and Anesthesiologists had to prepare for an emergency c-section. Everything seemed so chaotic at this point and before I knew it I was being wheeled into a surgery room. AJ couldn’t come in at first because they had to prep the room, so I was in there without him while everyone prepared my body for a c-section. Thankfully the nursing staff and the Anesthesiologists who were with me at this point were amazing and trying to comfort me. I was a wreck and honestly so scared. I had never had a surgery before, let alone even been admitted to the hospital.
They started checking my body to see if my body was numb on my lower abdomen. The right side was fine at this point, but I could still feel the test pricks and pokes on my left side. They pushed more medicine into me multiple times but it didn’t work. I had two options: Pain through it or be put under completely. I wanted to be sure I was able to meet my little girl right away and that I would be able to breastfeed her, so I decided to pain through it.
At this point AJ was allowed back in, the curtain was up, and they began the c-section. It felt like a butter knife on my stomach, but I just wanted them to keep going so our little girl would be safe. I felt the tugging and the pulling, and it’s a very weird type of pain. It felt like an eternity, but finally they got Brynnley out. She really didn’t cry at all and just made a quiet little sound. I got to meet her briefly, but unfortunately not for long because my body’s hormones took over.
While they were cleaning Brynnley up and getting her ready for her and her dad to go get her measurements done, my body started shaking uncontrollably. I don’t remember this part but I started clawing at the curtain and they had to give me laughing gas to calm down. This actually put me to sleep for about 10 minutes while they worked on putting my body back together.
AJ came back in with our little girl (him seeing them pulling and tugging on my body to put everything back where it belongs), and finally I woke back up. I still felt the pain but I didn’t care cause I got to see our little girl. She is our little miracle.
Once I was all stitched up, we all went to a recovery room together and were able to bond as a family with skin-to-skin time and I was able to breastfeed Brynnley. AJ and I were both scared during the whole procedure but it finally was over and us three were together. After a few hours we were taken to our postpartum room and we spent the next two days together. It was a time full of smiles and laughs, and little amounts of sleep.
I was recovering extremely well according to the nurses and they were shocked how much I was up and moving around. The nursing staff was truly amazing and I swear those ladies were angels from above. I was nervous to go home because they were there watching over us and helping take care of both Brynnley and me.
On day 2 I received some steroids through my IV to help prevent what is called a spinal headache due to the wet tap they gave me during my epidural. Honestly I think this just masked the pain and when we were ready to leave the next day I just had a slight headache, which I thought was just from a lack of sleep.
We got back home Thursday night and the next few days were extremely rough. My headache got so bad I couldn’t even watch Brynnley while I nursed her. I felt helpless and the only way I got relief was if I laid down. I’m so thankful cause we had family who helped us, and my mom was there everyday helping me and Brynnley.
Fast forward to Saturday night, I had to go to the ER because my headache was horrible at this point. AJ drove me while my mom stayed with Brynnley, and due to Covid AJ had to just leave me at the ER by myself. I cried again cause this place felt like a jail and I just didn’t want to be there. The doctor came in to check on me, I told him exactly what was wrong and what needed to be done, but they wanted to run tests on me anyway. About 5 hours later, I still wasn’t taken care of. I had called my mom and she stayed on the phone with me as I went out to the nursing station and blew a gasket. I told them I know they are busy but my head was unbearable and my boobs were full of milk and I needed to pump.
Finally an hour later the Anesthesiologists who were on staff that night came down. They went through some questions with me and we decided to get me back up to Labor and Delivery to do what is called a blood patch. This would hopefully relieve me from the spinal headache I was having.
I got up to my room, and the nurse who was with me was seriously amazing. She got me what I needed to pump, talked with me and helped me understand that it was okay to be sad about all of this that had happened to me. She told me it wasn’t just hormones, but that I was grieving the birth I thought I would have with my daughter. As we talked, the Anesthesiologists came in and performed the blood patch. They did this by taking blood from my arm and using that blood to put a clot in my back where the wet tap was done. The procedure is essentially them doing an epidural on me but without having to insert the catheter. Once they did it, I felt instant relief.
I was at the hospital for about another 2 hours before AJ picked me up. The Anesthesiologist who was there when I left prescribed me caffeine pills and Tylenol to help aid in me getting better from the wet tap. Those two things and water were my best friends over the next week.
This was never what I imagined would happen to me when I gave birth to my first child. Both AJ and I were scared during it all, and honestly it all could have been prevented. Brynnley was breached ALL DAY and a simple ultrasound would have told us that. I could have skipped ALL of the pain I went through and we could have either tried to turn her or gone into a c-section earlier in the day. Mistakes were made by several people who I put trust in that day. These mistakes led to a traumatic delivery, causing a lot of pain for our family and for me to have postpartum depression.
While I’m doing better now, I was an emotional wreck those first two weeks. I have an amazing husband who helped me through everything, and an amazing family to support me. Without my friends and family, I don’t know how I would have made it through all of this.
Brynnley is worth every ounce of pain I experienced that day and the days after. She is truly an amazing baby and already has such a personality. I’m so thankful for the time I get to have with her right now and I’ve been cherishing every moment. I also love getting to watch AJ be a father to her, and he is the best dad to her. She’s definitely got his nose, but she absolutely got my double chin lol.
I know this was long but it’s something I wanted to share. Not only to tell you what happened, but to hopefully prepare expecting parents for things to look out for. If you are in labor, ask for an ultrasound early. We have the technology so the doctors should use it. Learn about the epidural and what can happen. Knowledge is power. Take the classes, listen to those who’ve had different experiences, know that it might not go the way you plan.
To our sweet baby girl…you are everything we ever dreamed of. Your dad and I love you so incredibly much, and we are so happy we have you here with us safe and sound. You are so beautiful and I have to say, your cries often make me laugh because of how dramatic you can get so quickly. I now know which cries are for food, which are for your binky, and which are for a wet or poopy diaper. You have your own personality and we love every moment with you little one.
So happy for you, a.j. and brynnley! start making those memories in your beautiful home!! Love, Aunt Mary